Sexual compatibility in a relationship: One of the most important aspects of any sexual relationship is compatibility. Every time you meet a new partner, the question always arises – are we suitable for each other in bed?
People want to find a spark or instant attraction to another person when it seems like you can’t get enough of each other. And where you don’t have to talk about anything in bed, because you know what everyone likes.
But that’s not how things actually are at all. Compatibility in sex does not mean that at the snap of your fingers you have the same libido or sexual desires. Nobody in the world is exactly like another..
So, as with everything else in life, compatibility with a partner in bed must be worked on if you want your union to be long and happy.
What does sexual compatibility mean?
Some people believe that sexual compatibility means the same attraction, desire and preferences as the chosen one. In other words, they think they have to be just like their significant other or they don’t fit together.
According to the American sexologist S. Hyman, compatibility in sex is your attitude towards it, and the ability to communicate and experiment with a partner, and not the same sexual preferences.
This is great news as it will take the stress out of finding the perfect partner on the first try.
When you have sex with a new person for the first time, it doesn’t always go smoothly. Since you don’t know each other, you need to learn to be cool. Instead of seeing your partner as unsuitable and intimately incompatible with you, it might be worth trying to work on developing compatibility.
Sexual compatibility is hard work
These may not be the nicest words, but they are: great sex in a relationship is serious work.
Difficulties in the intimate sphere can arise for various reasons: someone may be shy and hesitate to share their fantasies. Or the partner is an egoist who does not think about the desires of another. And finally, sexual temperament and habits simply do not match.
Intimate compatibility is a lot of effort and work, and not a constant search for the right person for you. Research scientists prove that people who believe in the need to work on sexual compatibility with a partner have a much better intimate life than those who consider compatibility a given by nature.
The last belief is closely related to ourfaith in a soul mate, because according to studies, more than 70% of people believe in the theory that somewhere there is exactly that soulmate.
The idea that there is a perfect person who suits you sexually or emotionally can have a negative effect on finding a happy relationship.
- Stulberg and S. Magness in their book “Paradox of Passion” write that researchers have found the following: those who adhere to the theory of faith in the fate of love are likely to end relationships at the first hint of conflict. Because they think that this person is not suitable for the role of that one, and again they continue to search.
Such thoughts create just an endless cycle in which you will never be able to satisfy your need to find the right partner for both of you, both emotionally and sexually. Instead of these useless attempts to find the ideal, it would be much better to use the time to try to develop an intimate relationship that is right for you.
Sexual compatibility may change over time
Another reason why you shouldn’t focus on finding that perfect lover right from the start is that our compatibility can change over time.
It’s great when at the beginning of falling in love you find a person close in spirit, and he likes the same thing in bed as you do. But this does not guarantee that sexual compatibility will remain the same until the very end.
According to psychologists, this happens because people are in ecstasy at an early stage of a relationship. Sex is bound to be passionate because of the novelty effect, and this intensity of emotion makes everything even more intense.
Passion is an incredible phenomenon, and when it is in union, it is very easy to be sexually compatible. But as soon as it passes, and this always happens, sooner or later intimate life loses its brightness.
Instead of measuring compatibility in bed, you should think about something else in a partner. For example, in a new relationship, ask yourself not about “Is sex good?”, But how receptive to the unfamiliar is the selected one?
By identifying your partner’s desire to gain new experience and work on changes, you can understand whether it will be possible to maintain your sexual compatibility for a long time. After all, much like a lover, your libido, personal wants, and dreams alter as you get older.
If there is a willingness to move forward, passion will never leave your bedroom. In addition, people who have had sexual changes in relationships are much happier and more satisfied.
5 Ways to Improve Sexual Compatibility
There are several techniques that can help you improve your satisfaction with sex and relationships in general.
It plays an important role in many aspects of life. But people often like to ignore communication and look for more sophisticated ways to solve problems in relationships and intimate life.
Being open and honest with your partner about your sexual preferences, fantasies, arousal, and even insecurities is the only way to find compatibility in the bedroom.
With the help of communication, you can avoid various innuendos that can affect your self-esteem and relationships, as well as become an exciting factor and part of your sex life.
Through communication, you can find out the flexibility and willingness of the partner to change.
Work on your own comfort and sexuality
We all have very different views on sex and sensuality, and most of this is influenced by our upbringing. Because of these differences, problems occur that make it difficult to communicate on intimate topics, and they do not allow you to enjoy everything that you would like with a partner.
Therefore, do not rush to determine how much you fit each other sexually, but first you need to deal with your feelings. Masturbation can help with this – a great way to get to know your own body and have fun. Deviating from “independent work” is undesirable, as this will help in establishing a healthier intimate relationship with the chosen one.
Walk towards each other
Different sex drive is one of the compatibility issues that couples have to deal with, and it can really complicate a relationship. Changing libido is impossible, and trying to force yourself or your partner to have less or more sex can be harmful.
But these mismatches, while everything else seems fine, don’t mean you can’t try to work on your compatibility.You need to find a common denominator where you two will be comfortable. For example, if one person has a lower libido, then the other may masturbate to relieve stress, rather than force the first to have sex more often.
This will reduce the pressure on a partner with a low level of attraction, as there is nothing wrong with masturbation, even if you are in a relationship. Different libidos are normal, and understanding this can greatly affect relationships.
Focus on quality, not quantity
Instead of measuring compatibility with a partner in bed by the number of sessions, you should focus on having a quality time.
It will also take the pressure off and allow you to get more enjoyment out of the intercourse, and it will also help intimacy in the relationship.
If you like different things in bed, this can also seriously affect sexual compatibility. But this is wrong.
It’s normal for you and your partner to be turned on by different things. It is here that communication and readiness for the new, which were mentioned above, come to the fore.
For example, a partner loves to engage in oral sex with you, although you do not really like this kind of caress. But if you feel good about letting your loved one do it for their pleasure, why not give in?
Think about how comfortable it is for you to experiment, talk about it and your own emotions to your partner, and choose what will satisfy the two of you. So you will remain sexually compatible for a long time.
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